Should you recycle an ex? After all, he's already on the curb

By Tracy Swartz

You recycle clothes and plastic bottles, but would you ever recycle a date?

I've never attended a used-date party, where women bring an ex-boyfriend to swap. At these parties, reassurance is the name of the game: The men are all eligible, and each is vouched for by at least one woman in attendance. Essentially, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure.

It's not a new phenomenon, though it appears to be gaining traction in popular culture. Used-date parties were featured in a "Sex and the City" episode in 2000 and a 2002 episode of "Girlfriends," but it's unclear when these shindigs became vogue.

Part of the idea is that your ex knows your quirks and your likes and dislikes, so he or she can effectively help you meet a new mate. But exes are exes for a reason. It didn't work out in one relationship, so why would you let him or her influence another potential love interest?

Maybe I'm in the minority in opposing used-date parties. About 200 people attended one of the parties, also known as a BYOB (bring your old boyfriend), in mid-July at Lumen, a club on the near West Side.

The party, where dates with six singles were auctioned off with the help of their exes, was held to help promote Bravo's new reality show "Date My Ex: Jo & Slade."

On the show, Jo De La Rosa, former star of "The Real Housewives of Orange County," relies on ex-fiance Slade Smiley to help fix her up with a new man. De La Rosa goes on a series of dates, which Smiley secretly monitors on a laptop. And, oh yeah--the potential suitors live in Smiley's Los Angeles home.

As with many dating trends, another TV show, "Sex and the City," helped pioneer the increasingly popular idea.

Charlotte (the one who pined for marriage) hosted a used-date party in Season 3. She even found a potential match, only to lose him to the jealous ex who brought him to the party.

Jealousy is only one concern of these used-date parties. My biggest worry would be: Which ex do you bring?

Do you bring the casual date whom you just didn't click with because he droned on about investment banking or--even worse--waxed optimistic on Notre Dame's football team? Or do you bring your former long-term flame, the one with whom you shared a bed, a Halloween costume and a dream of the future?

On one hand, taking the ex who broke your heart to a BYOB gives you the opportunity to show him you're over him, writes Joanne Kimes in "Dating Sucks: What To Do When Your Love Life Makes You Miserable."

On the other, you could see your ex talk to another girl, get jealous, pull him away from her, throw a fit and ruin your chance to meet a new guy.

Get the scoop

Whichever ex you settle on, Kimes advises that if you attend a used-date party, make sure to quiz the woman who brought the man you're interested in.

What do you ask? How about: Why did you break up? Does he have commitment issues? Is he selfish in bed?

But would the ex be honest in answering your questions? Maybe she would try to sabotage your potential new relationship.

I fear I'd likely be a saboteur if I ever found myself at a used-date party. I'm selfish when it comes to my ex-beaus. I would like (most of) them to be happy, but preferably not in front of me.

Also, there's the possibility that a friend of mine could be interested in my ex. That can be a major no-no. It may be OK for a friend to start a love connection with a casual ex, but there is no way I would accept a friend dating a formerly serious flame. There would be jealousy, the obvious comparisons between the old and the new beau, and too much awkwardness.

Luckily, there are plenty of strangers at these parties. But that may not quell all the awkward feelings. In promos for the show, Smiley admits it's difficult watching De La Rosa flirt with other men. He acknowledges to her that he has unresolved feelings.

Issue hits home

Meaghan Guilfoyle, a Chicago makeup artist, knows all about unresolved feelings. She attended the Lumen used-date party and was (sort-of) auctioned off by her ex, whom she had dated for three years.

Actually, Guilfoyle's ex didn't attend the event, opting instead to rate her on the auction's Web site. He gave her high marks for attractiveness and sense of humor.

"He backed out at the last minute," Guilfoyle, 21, said. "He still loves me. We're just at different places in our lives."

The winning bid was $500, from a guy who's taking her on a date sponsored by Bravo. In all, six exes were auctioned off at the Lumen party, with the money benefiting the Natural Resources Defense Council.

Relationship coach Kira Sabin recently hosted a similar party in Madison, Wis., after watching the "Sex and the City" episode in reruns.

Sabin throws singles events through her company, Get Out There Madison. Thirty-five people attended the used-date party, Sabin said, adding that her roommate found a connection with one of her male friends (not an ex).

"It creates this kind of stamp of approval," Sabin said. "It was a lot easier to get the conversations going because everyone had a story of how they know each other."

I'll pass, thanks. It's hard enough navigating the dating pool, let alone with the influence of a former partner who may or may not have my best interests at heart. I'll leave the former flame fix-up to "Date My Ex" producers. For me, recycling an ex is just a waste of energy.

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Iowa judge rules nude dancing is an art

DES MOINES, Iowa - Nude dancing remains an art in Iowa.

A judge Friday ruled in favor of a nude dancing club owner charged with violating Iowa's indecent exposure law.

Fremont County Judge Timothy O'Grady said prosecutors failed to prove the club wasn't a theater. Iowa law allows nudity at theaters, museums and other venues devoted to the arts or theatrical performances.

The county's attorney, Margaret Johnson, charged club owner Clarence Judy after a 17-year-old girl climbed on stage at Shotgun Geniez in the tiny town of Hamburg and stripped off her clothing.

"I think it's a little scary," said Johnson, who emphasized that the girl was still a minor.

The club was sold Monday to Terry Rutledge. He expressed confidence that nude dancing would remain legal, referring to a 1998 case in Davenport that found it an art.

"In all actuality, you don't have to be a theater hall, concert hall or anything. You can be a strip club that has nude dance," Rutledge said.

The state attorney general's office will decide whether to appeal the case.

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5 Graffiti Artists You Should Know

by Andréa Fernandes

British graffiti artist Banksy, who’s been in the news quite a bit lately, is probably the most well-known graffiti artist of all time. He’s also the only graffitist most people know by name. But there is a plethora of graffitists, both talented and not-so-talented, and some of them warrant just as much attention, if not more so, than Banksy. A few that top the list…

1. Lady Pink: Sandra Fabara

The Ecuador-born Sandra Fabara was raised in Queens, NY, and started creating graffiti in 1979, during her years at the High School of Art and Design. She quickly became the only female able to compete with the boys in the graffiti world. At the same time, she was already exhibiting paintings in art galleries. Her starring role in the movie Wild Style in 1982 made a national name for her and earned her a cult following. Since then, her works have been added to the collections of major museums. She now runs a legitimate mural company with her husband Smith, an artist.

2. Xenz: Graeme Brusby

Apparently, Graeme Brusby is “widely considered to be the UK’s most important graffiti artist after Banksy.” He’s definitely one of the most Internet-friendly graffiti artists, with a web site, blog, Flickr photostream, MySpace, and fan forum. Brusby got into graffiti as a teen in the ‘80s, then studied at Edinburgh College of Art. Today, he’s a member of “one of the UK’s most admired graffiti art collectives,” the TCF crew, and is frequently included in collaborations and exhibitions.

3. SABER

The graffiti artist SABER is the creator of a giant work on the sloping cement bank of the Los Angeles River, supposedly the largest graffiti piece ever created. The 1997 piece required 97 gallons of paint, took 35 nights to complete, and is nearly the length of a football field—so large it can be viewed in satellite images. SABER has held a solo exhibition and released a monograph, and he’s put his skills to use working for Harley-Davidson, Levi’s, Hyundai, and Scion, among others.
(Photo from anarchosyn’s Flickr stream.)

4. Tox: Daniel Halpin

Daniel Halpin has gotten a reputation as London’s “most prolific bomber” since his tag appears EVERYWHERE in the London rail system. His tag, consisting of “TOX” and then the last two digits of the year, is the most well-known tag in London. Apparently, 2003 was the apex of his tagging, with virtually every inch of the Metropolitan line covered in “Tox03.” Then, in 2004, he was arrested. His graffiti, arrest, and trial were discussed in a Discovery Channel piece that same year. Despite the arrest, his tags have been spotted at least as recently as 2007.

5. Borf: John Tsombikos

With the help of some friends, John Tsombikos, an art student, left his mark all over D.C., including a five-foot-high face and a 15-foot “BORF,” in 2005. Much of his graffiti involved mysterious phrases like, “Borf writes letters to your children.” There was also a recurring face, which is said to be the face of one of Tsombikos’ friends, who went by the nickname Borf and had committed suicide. In D.C., Borf graffiti was ubiquitous, on walls and pillars and bridges and overpasses. Tsombikos remarked he felt powerful, “like Batman or something,” when he heard people talking about his work. But, in July 2005, Borf came to an end when Tsombikos and two friends were arrested for defacing property.
(Photo from niznoz’s Flickr stream.)

BONUS: For more graffiti fun, check out the Graffiti Project on Kelburn Castle, for which Brazilian artists were brought to Scotland to paint Kelburn Castle. The site has photos, videos, and more.

Know of any other talented, prolific, or otherwise interesting graffiti artists? Tell us about ‘em!

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