A New Trial of Motherhood: Keeping Up With the Diagnoses

By Linda Keenan

When I meet a mother these days who does not have a child in occupational or physical therapy, I have the urge to shake her violently, maybe slap her, and say, "Are you mad, woman? Don't you know that something is wrong with your child?! Don't you care about Seamus/Suri/Maeve/Shiloh (take your pick)?"

OK, that was a joke, but it goes to the dilemma I've faced over the past 6 months. I had to decide whether to "label" my child, something that caused a bit of family strife and internal conflict. I came to the conclusion that, like it or not, the new normal of childhood is abnormal. And I found my near 40-year-old self caving to peer pressure, like an insecure teenager at a beer pong party.

My toddler has always been tightly wound and when he began preschool the director made it clear within two days she thought something was wrong with him. (Back story: at 3 years old, he had never been in any childcare, and because we are sadly lacking in grandparents or family close by, my son had never been in the care of anyone other than his parents. And I mean no one, not once, ever.) When pressed, the director used the phrase “Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified,” and then tried to console me about this by saying "all of us could be diagnosed with something!"

At home minutes later, furious googling ensued, showing PDD to be on the autism spectrum. Since you can see that I am splaying out this sorry saga for perfect strangers to read, you might suspect that I am not one to suffer through problems silently. After I got this news from the preschool director, I proceeded to tell everyone I knew about it, and even people I didn't know, like my unsuspecting seat mates at Starbucks.

The first thing I noticed was the stark generational difference. Anyone over the age of 50 (including a close relative) believed strenuously that we had medicalized every normal trait of childhood, that "rambunctious" had become ADD, that "sassing back" had become Oppositional Defiant Disorder, that "shy" and "nervous" had become mild autism, "sensitive" had become Sensory Integration Disorder, "awkward" had become Asperger's, "klutzy" had become a gross motor deficit. And they believed that medicalizing the natural diversity of child behavior was one step away from medicating the child, which they viewed as an unmitigated travesty (their view, not mine).

The second thing I realized was that among the parents I knew, well over 50 percent had their child in some form of therapy (I counted), hence my assertion that the new normal was in fact abnormal, a claim that would certainly make a statistician's head spin.

So it was with these competing impressions that I entered the evaluation process with our public school district. Frank was not found to have PDD, but rather a fine motor deficit and also a lack of "body awareness" (known to the pros as proprioception), which, in the evaluators' eyes, explained an array of seemingly disparate behaviors.

Did I believe any of it? Without question, I knew my son was well behind on fine motor skills. As for proprioception, well, I'm not sure I buy it. I'm not saying there aren't behavioral challenges for my son (which, by the way, have greatly improved after six months of school), but I'm not positive that lacking body awareness is at the root of them all. I should also say that my natural contrarian inclination would lead me to side with the older generation, who think we run the risk of turning borderline quirks into maladies.

But here's the ruthlessly honest truth of how I decided what to do. I did something because everyone else was doing it; I was undeniably a lemming. I chose to accept therapy and the attendant label because, frankly, more than half of my friends or acquaintances had done the same (even the ones like me who view the labels for marginal problems as faintly absurd).

I felt as if my son would be at a disadvantage if he did not get the therapy offered by the school district. I wish I could say my decision-making had more integrity. Maybe I can blame my lack of spine on my (diagnosed) pre-menopausal anxiety disorder. I just hope my son doesn't one day read this. I can hear myself saying to my rebellious teenager, "well, if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?" And his answer, rightly, would be "well YOU did, Mom!"

Linda Keenan is a contributing writer at Burbia. Linda worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV. She now writes satire, primarily about parenting culture, at Thoroughly Modern Mommy.......read more rants

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(Video) Method for Toddlers to Save Themselves from Drowning

This is a very scary video for any parent to watch. More information about the ISR program mentioned can be found below the video.

From the Web site:

“Welcome to Infant Swimming Resource - South Mountain with Certified ISR Drowning Prevention Specialist Casey Bunn.

ISR is the most comprehensive drowning prevention program. As a part of ISR, Casey Bunn is dedicated to the eradication of the drowning epidemic facing our children.

The ISR mission is to get to the next child before that child gets to the water. The reality of infant and child drowning is that, in most cases, it is a preventable tragedy.”

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9 things to stop worrying about right now

From eggs raising cholesterol to cold weather giving you a cold, Health magazine busts the biggest health myths out there.

Myth #1: Drink eight glasses of water a day
In 1945, the U.S. Food and Nutrition Board told people to consume eight glasses of fluid daily. Before long, most of us believed we needed eight glasses of water, in addition to what we eat and drink, every day.

The truth: Water's great, but you also whet your whistle with juice, tea, milk, fruits and vegetables — quite enough to keep you hydrated. Even coffee quenches thirst, despite its reputation as a diuretic; the caffeine makes you lose some liquid, but you're still getting plenty.

Contrary to common belief, urine color is not a great sign of dehydration, says Rachel Vreeman, MD, a fellow in Children's Health Services Research at the Indiana University School of Medicine in Indianapolis: "If you're thirsty, you should drink." But don't overdo it. Drinking too much can lead to hyponatremia, in which sodium levels fall, causing an electrolyte imbalance that can make you very sick.

Myth #2: Stress will turn your hair gray
The carpool, the spilled milk, the deadlines. Who doesn't believe that stress can shock her locks?

The truth: "Too much stress does age us inside and out," says Nancy L. Snyderman, MD, chief medical editor for NBC News and author of "Medical Myths that Can Kill You." It ups the number of free radicals, scavenger molecules that attack healthy cells, and increases the spill of stress hormones in your body. So far, though, no scientific evidence proves a bad day turns your locks silver. "We gray according to genetics," she says. And, let's face it, when you do get those gray strands, hair products make covering them a cinch.

Myth #3: Reading in poor light ruins your eyes
It's the common-sense refrain of mothers everywhere — reading under the covers or by moonlight will ruin your eyesight.

The truth: "Reading in dim light can strain your eyes," Snyderman explains. "You tend to squint, and that can give you a headache. But you won't do any permanent damage, except maybe cause crow's-feet."

Your overtired eyes can get dry and achy, and may even make your vision seem less clear, but a good night's rest will help your peepers recover just fine.

Myth #4: Coffee's really bad for you
Surely something 108 million Americans crave so much each morning couldn't possibly be good for you? Wrong.

The truth: Too much may give you the jitters, but your daily habit has a lot of positives. "Coffee comes from plants, which have helpful phytochemicals that act as antioxidants," says Stacy Beeson, RD, a wellness dietitian at St. Luke's Boise Medical Center in Boise, Idaho. One set of antioxidants appears to increase insulin sensitivity, which might explain a lowered risk of type 2 diabetes in people who sip java. A Harvard study of more than 125,000 coffee drinkers found that women cut their risk of type 2 diabetes by 30 percent. Other studies suggest that coffee cuts the risks of Parkinson's disease, colon cancer, cirrhosis and gallstones. Drinking joe gives your brain a boost, too. And, despite the jolt of energy it provides, coffee has no effect on heart disease.

Two to three cups a day is fine for most people, Beeson says. But if you take your coffee with a racing heart, anxiety, or wide-eyed nights, cut back or switch to decaf. If you're pregnant or low on calcium, talk to your doc about the best brew for you.

Myth #5: Feed a cold, starve a fever
The old wives' tale has been a staple since the 1500s when a dictionary master wrote, "Fasting is a great remedie of feuer."

The truth: "Colds and fevers are generally caused by viruses that tend to last 7 to 10 days, no matter what you do," Vreeman says. "And there is no good evidence that diet has any effect on a cold or fever. Even if you don't feel like eating, you still need fluids, so put a priority on those." If you're congested, the fluids will keep mucus thinner and help loosen chest and nasal congestion. A little chicken soup spoons in some nutrients, as well.

Myth #6: Fresh is always better than frozen
Ever since scientists honed in on the benefits of antioxidants, the mantra has been "eat more fresh fruits and veggies" — implying that frozen is second-rate.

The truth: "Frozen can be just as good as fresh because the fruits and vegetables are harvested at the peak of their nutritional content, taken to a plant, and frozen on the spot, locking in nutrients," Beeson says. "They aren't trucked far distances to sit on grocery shelves." And, unless it's picked and sold the same day, produce at farmers' markets — though still nutritious — may lose nutrients because of heat, air, and water.

Myth #7: Eggs raise your cholesterol
In the 1960s and 1970s, scientists linked blood cholesterol with heart disease — and eggs (high in cholesterol) were banished to the chicken house.

The truth: Newer studies have found that saturated and trans fats in a person's diet, not dietary cholesterol, are more likely to raise heart disease risk. (An egg has only 1.6 grams of saturated fat, compared with about 3 grams in a cup of 2 percent milk.) And, at 213 milligrams of cholesterol, one egg slips under the American Heart Association's recommendation of no more than 300 milligrams a day. "Eggs offer lean protein and vitamins A and D, and they're inexpensive and convenient," Beeson says. "If you do have an egg for breakfast, just keep an eye out for the amount of cholesterol in the other foods you eat that day."

Myth #8: Get cold, and you'll catch a cold
It must be true because your mother always said so. Right?

The truth: Mom was wrong. "Chilling doesn't hurt your immunity, unless you're so cold that your body defenses are destroyed — and that only occurs during hypothermia," Vreeman says. "And you can't get a cold unless you're exposed to a virus that causes a cold." The reason people get more colds in the winter isn't because of the temperature, but it may be a result of being cooped up in closed spaces and exposed to the spray of cold viruses. Staying warm may not prevent a cold, but staying cheerful might. A study at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh says positive people exposed to cold viruses have a 13 percent lower risk of getting a cold than gloomier souls.

Myth #9: Your lipstick could make you sick
In 2007, an environmentalist group, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, had 33 lipsticks tested for lead. Although there's no lead limit for lipstick, one third of the tubes had more than the limit allowed for candy. That started a scare that spread like wildfire.

The truth: "The reality is that lead is in almost everything," says Michael Thun, MD, head of epidemiological research for the American Cancer Society. "It's all around us. But the risk from lead in lipstick is extremely small." In fact, lead poisoning is most commonly caused by other environmental factors — pipes and paint in older homes, for instance. The bottom line, Thun says: The risk from lipstick is nothing to worry about.

4 big health whoppers
Most of us want to believe in "miracle" cures. But if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Weight-loss formulas
The National Institutes of Health warns against taking any drug combos sold without U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approval, including herbal mixes that promise big results. "The problem is that many contain stimulants and may be dangerous for people with underlying heart disease, high blood pressure, and other chronic illnesses they may not be aware of," says Marc Siegel, MD, a New York City physician and author of "False Alarm: The Truth About the Epidemic of Fear." "And you may not know how much stimulant you're getting." It's far better to ask your doctor about FDA-approved appetite suppressants or, best of all, exercise and watch what you eat.

Arthritis fixes
Copper bracelets, shark cartilage, honey-and-vinegar mixtures, magnets. If only they would cure arthritis. But it just isn't so, Siegel says. In fact, copper can cause an allergic reaction. Although there's no cure for arthritis, rest, exercise, heat and drugs recommended by your doctor can help.

Colon cleansers
Colonics have been hawked as everything from a toxin remover to a cancer cure. But they only do what your intestinal system does already. Enemas, laxatives, or passing a rubber tube through your rectum and pumping water in and out can be expensive and dangerous. "There's no evidence that colon cleansing is necessary," Siegel says. And experts say long-term cleansing can cause anemia, malnutrition, infection, intestinal damage and even heart failure.

Alzheimer's cures
Removing silver fillings, zapping your brain with electricity, or taking smart pills won't keep your memory intact, says Stephen Barrett, MD, a retired psychiatrist who operates www.quackwatch.org. "Reputable drugs for slowing memory loss are only in their infancy. If brain tissue is dead, you can't revive it with something in a bottle."

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