Sunday, May 3, 2009

Twelve WTF Canned Foods

optimusI don’t know what it is that possesses people to just randomly stick supposed food items into cans. Maybe it’s that whole convenience thing, or maybe it’s that age-old belief that canned edibles are somehow fresher or better tasting, or maybe it’s just the wanton desire to see what kind of bizarrely arbitrary shit can potentially receive the canning treatment. Evidently people don’t understand that once the food is canned, it’s essentially pasteurized (that is to say, ‘cooked’) within it’s metallic tomb thereby rendering it fully consumable right after opening. Yeah, well, that’s just wrong. I can see veggies and fruit (hey, that’s yummy), and sure, various sea-faring critters (tuna, hell yeah) and soups and broths and whatnot, but these twelve completely ridiculous items are just so very wrong.

Fish Assholes


Are you kidding me? What the hell is going on here? What I do know is that you can find this stuff right down the street from where I live in a little ‘Country Store’ called Stillwaters. Now I have been unable thus far to actually find out what’s really behind this label, but I suspect something far more innocuous.

Canned Alligator


From what I understand (though I have not personally been privy) alligator meat is quite delicious and rather healthy. However, since this swill is in a can, I have my doubts.

Canned Brown Bread


According to the Vermont Country Store web site, you can, potentially: “Serve right out of the can or toast, bake, or microwave it,” and that it comes plain or with raisins. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Pork Brains in a Can


Also it’s in milk gravy. Sweet, sweet Jesus.

Can O’ Grasshoppers


Yes, I’m aware this product is more than likely made for pets like lizards and other reptiles, but you can’t honestly tell me no one on this planet won’t eat grasshoppers, canned or otherwise. I’m sure they’re chock full of protein or something.

All Day Breakfast


If I understand the theory here in this nightmare, the containments are supposed to provide you with a load of energy for your shift, I don’t know, in the Amazon Rain Forest. But, and I can’t stress this enough, there are eggs in here. Eggs.

Canned Stewed Pork


Nothing inherently wrong with this I guess. I’d imagine it not too far from a Spam-like meat product. Or I suppose it could look like gelatinous pig boogers. Wait, that is Spam. Never mind.

Lamb Tongues in a Can


Well thank goodness for that, because we all know how difficult it can be to get a hold of fresh lamb tongues, am I right ladies?



Apparently quite popular in Scandinavian countries and at least one state, Alaska, reindeer meat is quite hearty and can provide a necessary and healthy boost while dog-sledding through Arctic wastelands. I’ve got six or seven cans right now in my rucksack.

Canned Hamburger


Nothing satisfies like a big, delicious hamburger. Conversely, this abomination is an affront to Freedom and the American Way, including possibly Christianity, too. Fully-cooked, hamburger-shaped patties in a can. Ready to eat. Or, just chuck ‘em right in the toilet.

Silkworm Pupae


This, friends, is what the End of Days looks like.

Canned Whole Chicken


I rescind my former statement. This is every meal in Hell. Mark my words.

Original here

5 Foods That Extend Time


Have you got a bad thing to say about 'em? Ranging from purple to yellow, the juicy fruit that bursts with flavor is wonderful not only for its taste, but for its health properties as well. The red pigment in tomatoes is called lycopene, an antioxidant that is good for your eyes. Lycopene is more easily absorbed by the body when tomatoes are heated, either during cooking or processing. One tomato contains vitamins C, A and K, and potassium and fiber. A medium-sized tomato may provide almost half of a person’s recommended daily amount of vitamin C.

Benefits: Aids in the development of healthy teeth, bones, skin and hair, lowers blood pressure and cholesterol levels, and possibly reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease and some cancers.


Loaded with flavanols, apples are a great source of antioxidants and nutrients. Besides keeping your skin from wrinkling and promoting hair growth, apples contain antioxidants that protect against cardiovascular disease and cancer development. Sprinkling some cinnamon on an apple or pairing it with cheese or peanut butter makes for a tasty and nutritious snack.

Benefits: Helps with bone protection and relieves asthma, helps prevent Alzheimer's disease and lowers cholesterol. Prevents certain types of cancers and diabetes, and aids in weight-loss management.


From blue to black to acai, berries are great superfoods that are super for healthy aging. Loaded with antioxidants, berries are naturally sweet, providing for a delicious snack, topping or dessert. One cup of strawberries contains over 100 milligrams of vitamin C—almost as much as a cup of orange juice. High in nutrients and low in calories, the beautifully colored fruits are loaded with flavanols that help prevent disease.

Benefits: Help prevent heart disease and cancer, control blood glucose, slow aging, sharpen brain function and improve vision.


White Tea
No, not green tea (though that is another healthy option). White tea actually has more antioxidants than green tea, even though it comes from the same plant. White tea is produced from an immature plant bud still covered in fine white hairs (hence, white tea), while green tea is produced from leaves that are more mature and dried out. Because white tea is handled more delicately, it retains more of the antioxident content than green tea. Adding some honey or natural sugar will boost the sweetness of this delicious drink. Try drinking at least one cup of white or green tea daily.

Benefits: Prevents certain types of cancer, lowers blood pressure and cholesterol, protects your heart, strengthens your bones, and promotes healthy teeth, gums and skin.


In general, fish is important for your health. It's filled with antioxidants and omega-3 fatty acids. Choosing wild Alaskan salmon over farm-raised is a smart decision as farm raised salmon has a higher level of PCBs, a contaminant that has been banned in the US since the 1970s and has been linked to cancer and impaired fetal brain development. Farm-raised fish is also higher in mercury. If you prepare your own sushi, freezing raw fish before preparing it significantly reduces, but does not eliminate, health risks. Studies also show that salmon is good for your skin, helping to reduce the inflammations that cause acne. Fish is a great source of protein, which will keep you feeling full for a good amount of time.

Benefits: Helps prevent blood clots, slows cognitive problems, such as Alzheimer’s disease and age-related cognitive decline. Helps reduce risk of unwanted inflammation and helps maintain the integrity of immune and circulatory systems.

Original here

The World’s Most Expensive Beers

By Stew

It’s no secret -or at least now it isn’t- that I would take a decent beer over any other drink. I am a brew fan through and through; I take my beer enjoyment seriously and look at as an adventure more than just an excuse to drink. Now I don’t always have enough cash to get the pricier brews I prefer, but I do, regardless, tend to steer clear of Domestic over-processed swill. And it’s that very subject we’re here to discuss: astronomically expensive beers. The five beers that made this collection are not only on the extreme end of the wallet-crushing scale, but they’re also highly sought after and rather rare or only available in select locations. So, sit back, take a sip of whatever you’re havin’, and pine along with me over the list of beers very few of us will ever enjoy.

Vielle Bon Secours - $1000/Bottle

Where it’s from: Well, let’s just say it’s currently only available at London’s Bierdrome for an astounding $78 a pint.

vielle_bon_secours_41569cWhat’s it taste like?: From Beerpal.comReddish-golden — a bit darker than what I would have expected from a Belgian 8%ABV Pale Ale named “Blonde”. But no complaints. Ditto for the aroma. Enough complexity in the nose to pique the interest of the taster, and nothing more. Could have been a bit more assertive. The same can be said of the flavor profile. Really could be a bit more assertive and bolder, especially in the front end. As I drank this, I kept on expecting something to pop out at me from left-field. Some sort of additional layer of complexity, or nuance that I missed earlier. But no, this is not bad (not at all), but didn’t really show off much in the way the complex nuances that I enjoy seeking out in beers of this style. Rather, this seems to show it’s cards early in the hand, and leaves nothing to imagination for later revisitation. Easy to put down, but really kinda lacking in complexity in the flavor and the mouthfeel. {Shrug} but I’ve had worse….

Do I want one?: Um, hell to the yeah!

Samuel Adams Utopias - $100/Bottle

samadams_utopiasmmWhere it’s from: Believe it or not, it’s from the same place you’d find other Sam Adams beer: The Boston Brewing Company.

What’s it taste like?: From Jim Koch, brewer and founder. “You are about to experience the strongest beer ever brewed. With an alcohol content of 25% by volume, we’ve broken our own record set by Sam Adams Utopias MMII in 2002. Beer enthusiasts have never enjoyed a beer like Sam Adams Utopias. When served at room temperature in a two-ounce serving, Sam Adams Utopias is an ideal after-dinner drink. Pour it into a wine glass or brandy snifter. Note the aroma. Take a sip and enjoy the ideal beer. People have asked what inspired me to brew such a unique beer? Drinkers have long been familiar with light beers. I wanted to show them the opposite end of the beer spectrum. A beer that is strong, rich and dark. Some would say, the ultimate beer. A beer without carbonation, one to be savored slowly. We started by using some of the world’s finest ingredients, including all four types of Noble hops, which give the beer its earthy, herbal taste. The hops also add a spicy note. Carmel, Vienna, Moravian and Bavarian smoked malts add a rich amber color. A variety of yeast were used during fermentation, including the same yeast used in champagne. As a result of this unique brewing process, this flavorful, slightly fruity brew has a sweet, malty flavor that resembles the deep, rich grape taste of a vintage Port, fine Cognac or old Sherry

Do I want one?: I have actually seen one here at a local purveyor of spirits and, as much as I’d love to say I laid down the cash… well… I could think of a million other things a hundred dollars could have been used for.

Tutankhamen Brew - $525/Bottle

tutankhamenaleWhere it’s from: Egypt! Well, originally. Here’s the story from The beer’s story reads like an Indiana Jones movie. Archaeologists from Cambridge University’s Egypt Exploration Society joined with Scottish and Newcastle Breweries six years ago, when the team uncovered a massive kitchen complex in the Sun Temple of Queen Nefertiti, a relation by marriage of King Tut. Archaeologists’ key role The archaeologists examined grains and seeds left behind by ancient brewers, and the dregs of beer from excavated jars were analyzed to determine how the beer was made. “Even the pure water of the desert wells was analyzed,” said Jim Merrington, Scottish and Newcastle’s project director. “We studied tomb paintings, deciphered (hieroglyphics) and excavated 10 or more brewing rooms in the quest for the liquid gold of Tutankhamen.” In reconstructing the recipe, Scottish and Newcastle brew masters used emmer, an ancient wheat grown by the Egyptians, and coriander, an herb found in the Nile region.”

What’s it taste like?: I couldn’t find a whole lot on the flavor, since I guess it’s some kind of secret, but what I could ascertain was that, judging by the ingredients, it most likely has a white wine note. Still…

Do I want one?: Beer made from an ancient Egyptian recipe? Well yeah!

carlsbergno1Carlsberg Vintage No. 1 - $400/Bottle

Where it’s from: Jacobsen Brewhouse, Denmark. You can see it here.

What’s it taste like?: From the folks at “The designer beer has a chestnut brown color, little foam and hints of prune, caramel, vanilla and oak tree from the French and Swedish wooden casks in which it is stored. The beer goes well with cheeses and desserts according to the brewer.

Do I want one?: I dunno. With all the ’snobbery’ attached to this, likely not. Plus, prune?

carlsberg-jacobsen-vintage-no-2-beer-boxCarlsberg Jacobsen Vintage No. 2 - $600/Bottle

Where it’s from: Jacobsen Brewhouse, Denmark (same as above)

What’s it taste like?: According to some info I gathered, this is the second in the planned trilogy by this company and as you can see from the following description, it’s quite different: “Because of its stout-like origins, it has a jet-black color and espresso-like foam. Jacobsen says Vintage No. 2’s aroma displays hints of tar and ropes, owing to the peat-smoked Scottish malt used for the brew. It is best served at 15-20°C and pairs well with oysters, shellfish, Parma ham and cheese but is equally at home with sweeter delights like chocolate and crème brûlée.

Do I want one?: Well, I have to say, as an avid fan of the darker brew, I think I would likely murder some folks for a sip. To be frank.

Original here

Florida Officers Battle Drivers in Legal Street Races

Story by


Officers said they have seen a drastic reduction in illegal street racing since "Beat the Heat" started in 2007.


Once a month police officers race anyone over the age of 18 for $25.

  • Watch Video

    MIAMI --

    If you talk to Anthony Gonzalez, you will realize quickly that there is no talking him into slowing down on the road.

    "Adrenaline rush -- the closer I feel to getting killed, the more I love it," Gonzalez said.

    The trick is controlling the passion for racing from spilling onto public roadways.

    "How fast have you gone?" Local 10's Sasha Andrade asked Gonzalez.

    "One-hundred-sixty, 170," he replied.

    Police officers are redirecting people like Gonzalez from the street to the County Line Drag Way. The program is called Beat the Heat. Once a month, officers will race anyone over the age of 18 for $25.

    "You could bring your mother’s minivan. You can bring a pure racing car. It doesn't matter," said Officer Jose Ayala with the Medley Police Department.

    "We're actually getting a lot of kids and adults alike come here and say, 'We used to race in Davie. You probably used to chase us around, and now we're here on the track and we want to race your car,'" said Officer Ron Bradley with the Davie Police.

    Officers said they have seen a drastic reduction in illegal street racing since Beat the Heat started in 2007.

    "We used to have races in the warehouse district almost every Friday, Saturday night. They've completely stopped," Bradley said.

    Racers told Local 10 that they actually prefer the track.

    "It's better and it's safer," one racer said.

    The next Beat the Heat race is May 23 at 7 p.m. at the County Line Drag Way on Okeechobee Road.

    Copyright 2009 by Post-Newsweek Stations. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed

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    Tattooed Geoff Ostling donating his body to art

    By Vikki Campion

    One serious body of art

    HE is an art lover who has dedicated his whole body to his passion.

    Now retired history teacher Geoff Ostling, 65, has pledged to donate his skin to the National Gallery in Canberra.

    He worked with cult artist eX de Merci over 15 years to tattoo a masterpiece on his body, from neck to ankle, with the theme "All the flowers of a Sydney garden".

    "I wanted something unique, so I thought about a garden of plants, of natives and imported flowers, what you would find in a Sydney garden with a distant view of the city from Heartbreak Hill (at Rose Bay)," he said.

    "To donate skin is not the most amazing thing in the world but the tattoos are revolutionary."

    The concept of donating his skin was followed in an Australian documentary Anatomy, which has already won international acclaim.

    He will also donate his organs to medicine.

    "It has never been done as a whole body before and not in a gallery," he said.

    "People can be squeamish about it. Portraits painted on human skin hang in galleries around the world. They don't tell you that, of course, and valuable books were also covered in human skin."

    Sydney taxidermy expert Sascha Smith said it could be a challenge to preserve the tattoos unharmed but the process would be no different to skinning an animal.

    Source: The Daily Telegraph

    Learning Chinese languages makes you musical, claim scientists

    By Richard Alleyne, Science Correspondent

    Child writing chinese characters on blackboard: Learning Chinese languages makes you musical, claim scientists
    According to recent studies learning to speak Mandarin and Vietnamese as a child helps make you more musical Photo: GETTY

    Researchers made the discovery after investigating why perfect pitch was rare in Europe and the US even among musicians – with only one in 10,000 said to the have the gift – while in certain parts of China it was very common.

    They tested 203 music students for perfect pitch asking them to identify all 36 notes from three octaves played in haphazard order.

    Those tested included 27 ethnic Chinese and Vietnamese students who had different levels of fluency in the tonal language learned from their parents.

    The Asian students scored no better than white students if they weren't fluent in their parents' language but very fluent students scored highly, getting about 90 per cent of the notes correct on average.

    "They did incredibly well. It was overwhelming," Professor Diana Deutsch, a psychologist who led the study told New Scientist.

    "In my experience, musicians in China don't regard perfect pitch as anything remarkable because it's very common."

    The study suggests that learning a tonal language plays a far greater role in perfect pitch than genes.

    Mandarin, like Cantonese and Vietnamese, is a tonal language in which the pitch of a spoken word is essential to its meaning.

    "It really looks as though infants should acquire perfect pitch if they are given the opportunity to attach verbal labels to musical notes at the age when they learn speech," said Prof Deutsch.

    Original here