Revenge of the Star Wars Nerds

By Julian Sancton

If the Ewoks’ heroic stand against Imperial storm troopers in Return of the Jedi proves anything, it’s that there’s power in numbers. It’s a principle Star Wars fans around the country are hoping to apply in their effort to put the kibosh on the Weinstein Company’s release of a new film called Fanboys, which they feel ridicules them. Director Kyle Newman’s original cut of the film, about five buddies who travel to Skywalker ranch to steal a rough cut of Episode I: The Phantom Menace for a friend with cancer, delighted the faithful—and George Lucas himself—at advanced screenings. But when news leaked that Little Nicky writer-director Steve Brill (or “Grand Moff Brill-o-Head,” according to the aggrieved) was taking over, reshooting scenes and getting rid of the heartwarming and somewhat redemptive cancer plotline, the nerd rebellion erupted. Below is an email they sent to every @weinsteinco.com email address they could find on Google (their goal was to reach “Darth Weinstein” himself), threatening to boycott every future Weinstein film if the new cut is released. (It’s tentatively slated for this spring.)

Dear Mr. Weinstein,

I am one of the several millions of Star Wars fans around the world who have made it the most successful film franchise in history. We buy an awful lot of movie tickets and DVDs. The movie Fanboys was made by fans like me, for fans like me. It’s a movie about Star Wars fans who go on a quest to do something noble for their dying friend. This is the version of the movie that many of us saw at the Star Wars Celebrations in Los Angeles and in London, and it’s the version that we want to see released in theaters. It is our understanding that you have take Fanboys away from the people who made it and that you are now planning to recut the movie so that it portrays Star Wars fans as moronic criminals who would break in to Skywalker Ranch for no reason at all. You’re going to rip the heart out of Fanboys, because you think we’re too shallow or stupid to want to see a movie with an actual plot. This makes all of us very angry.

If you don’t release the original version of Fanboys, we won’t go see it. We won’t buy it on DVD. And we won’t stop there. Until the original version of Fanboys is released, WE WILL BOYCOTT EVERY SINGLE MOVIE RELEASED BY THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY (AND DIMENSION FILMS)!!!

If you don’t want a lifetime boycott of your studio by every single Star Wars fan on the planet, we suggest that you release the original version of Fanboys - the one that portrays Star Wars fans as they really are, and not as the idiots you perceive them to be.

If you release the original version, we will give you our ticket and DVD money. And that’s what you want, isn’t it?

Thank you for your time. And May the Force Be With You!

Sincerely,

Every Single Star Wars Fan On the Planet

Original here