Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Seven New Cars We Wish Were April Fools' Day Jokes

[UPDATE: Also check out our top ten list of the best...or was it the worst...April Fools' Day automotive gags.] Occasionally, an automaker likes to have a little fun on April Fools' Day by announcing a car so ridiculous it couldn't possibly be real. Unfortunately, what happens more often than not is that an automaker will announce a car so ridiculous that it couldn't possible be real... and it is. Some are poorly-styled and ill-conceived, while others seem to fill no foreseeable niche other than a need to show they're doing something, anything. Below is our list of new cars that are punch lines to jokes no one ever told (i.e. the least dragon-able new cars). [UPDATE: We've added a poll so you can proclaim the most foolish car of them all] 2009 Pontiac Vibe
The name suggests vibrator, but one look at this poorly re-bodied Corolla-cousin to the Toyota Matrix is likely to prevent anyone but the most hardcore red arrow-fetishist from getting off.

That Is Not The Right Spot

2009 Toyota Venza
You know what's great about the Toyota Venza? Yeah, neither do we. As much fun as the old angled-E-pillar Camry wagons were, Toyota decided to take the concept of a Camry wagon and cross it with ugly in order to make one of those famous "crossover" vehicles. Thanks for nothing.

Noyota Venza

2008 Chrysler Sebring Convertible
It took a keen eye, some serious hallucinogenic substances and a love of the George Foreman Grill to make the already fugly Chrysler Sebring even less fetching. Congrats to the Chrysler team for taking a car that distinguishes itself for lackluster performance and giving it a body to match. USA! USA! 2009 VW Routan
We're not sure what the conversation was like at Volkswagen HQ when they decided to rebadge a Dodge Minivan, but we imagine it's only slightly more interesting then the conversation where they decided to give it yet another preposterous and meaningless two-syllable name. What, did someone already own the rights to Asscrap?

Routan Clan Killer Bees On A Swarm

2009 BMW X6
We have yet to drive the new BMW X6 SAV (Stupid Automotive Variation), so maybe it's a revolution in automotive design. Or maybe it's a $52,000 miscalculation that offers the convenience of neither a car or an SUV. Only time will tell.

X6 Is Six Times The Strange

Maybach 62 Landaulet
Although a concept, it's still the perfect ride for when you want to look like a million bucks because nothing says "kidnap my children" like a stretch, convertible Maybach. Rumor is they're going to build it. Oh geez.

Martin Landau Approved

2008 Ford Focus
Leave it to Ford to take a car we absolutely loved when it first debuted and slowly engineer everything we like out of the car. But it's got Ford SYNC technology so... you know... victory!


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