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Saturday, May 3, 2008

Much ado about virginity

SOMETIME ago, I was watching a talk show programme of a local television channel. A group of supposedly virgin girls and a lady were presented, and the topic of discussion was the desirability of promoting the culture of virginity amongst girls before they get married.

The presenters of the talk show programme asked the girls questions about how they were able to remain virgins in our "permissive" society, how they avoided "temptation", and what they did, individually, whenever they feel the urge to have sex.

The lady who accompanied the girls talked about her new initiative to identify, celebrate and reward virgins. The discussants were unanimous in praising the virginity test which the girls underwent and the initiative for encouraging girls to remain virgins as long as they are unmarried.

Although after the programme I felt that one should address objectively the issue of virginity and its desirability or undesirability in this column, I never really made up my mind to do so until I read an essay on the subject by Madam Adunni Adediran, who was described as "the unofficial mother of the virgin girls" (Sunday Sun, April 13, 2008).

In the essay, Mrs. Adediran claimed that the celebration of Nigerian virgin girls is the only concept that throws light on the chastity of Nigerian girls, "without which the populace was of the opinion that it is impossible to find a virgin girl in Nigeria after the age of fifteen years".

She also claimed that prior to her programme, "nobody knew that virgin girls could be fished out in Lagos, and that attitude had dragged numerous people into the rural areas for spouses, which many regretted later."

According to Mrs. Adediran, men worldwide are very much interested in virginity, but thinking it impossible, they had said "to hell" with the sacred thing. She has started receiving messages already from some men in Nigeria and abroad asking her to introduce virgin girls to them for permanent relationship.

Mrs. Adediran made some other dubious unscientific claims which I will discuss in the course of this analysis. Suffice it to say that Mrs. Adediran, perhaps a devout Christian, from the general tenor of her essay, believes that it is a commendable feat for girls above fifteen to remain incontinent as long as they are not married, deserving of a "certificate of virtue", that it is perfectly alright to avoid sex before marriage, and that a child of God will never be raped.

Before I deal with the specific claims of Mrs. Adediran, I would like to say a few words about a "virgin." Like most words related to human sexuality, the term "virgin" is not completely exact in its meaning.

It can be used as a noun, an adjective, or even as a verb. The 20th Century Chambers Dictionary defines "virgin" as "one (especially a woman) who has had no sexual intercourse." This definition is deceptively simple, because when the question is asked about how to physically identify a virgin, complexities rear up.

Generally, it is impossible to obtain a physical proof that an adult male is not a virgin. For girls and women, however, the presence of hymen, a thin membranous substance which partially closes the entrance to the virgina, is typically interpreted as a physical index of virginity.

Yet, it is well known that the hymens of many girls who have never had sex had been lacerated as a result of vigorous physical exercise or masturbation. Again, it is plainly ridiculous to say that a woman whose hymen was torn by a man's probing finger while there was absolutely no penile entry into her virgina has had sex. Consequently, the absence of an intact hymen is not a reliable sign that a woman is not a virgin.

Male dominated societies

One of the reasons why the issue of virginity weighs more heavily on women than on men, apart from the masculine character of male-dominated societies, is that there is no physical basis that can be used to tell a man who had never had sex from one who had.

Other biological and socio-cultural factors, such as pregnancy, marriage and religious rites which stress the importance of girls remaining "chaste and pure" until their wedding night, work dialectically together to put the burden of establishing virginity on women.

The ritual importance attached to virginity and the cult of virgins began in ancient times as human societies became increasingly segregated along gender lines and as men widened their dominance over women.

Borrowing from the virgin cults of ancient Egypt, Babylon and Greece, Christianity especially the Catholic Church, elevated the status of "virgin" Mary almost to the level of a goddess, to relieve the spiritual austerity of Judaism, the religion of the Jews from which Christianity evolved.

Prophet Mohammed, the founder of Islam, did not make such concession to females, although the Koran and Hadith contain texts that acknowledged the importance of women in Islam. In traditional African societies, emphasis on female virginity also began in the remote past, with religion as its basis.

The preoccupation with preserving the virginity of women before they marry was, and still is, based on unscientific understanding of human nature and human sexuality, and on the need to properly identify the paternity of children.

Hence, it should not be surprising to anyone seriously interested in knowing the truth that developments in the relevant sciences, such as psychology and medicine indicate that abstinence from sex after sexual maturity is generally not beneficial to both men and women. More precisely, it is unhealthy, both physically and psychologically for both men and women to wait for too long until they are married before they start having sex.

This position contradicts Mrs. Adediran's attitude. It also contradicts the prevailing opinion in Nigeria today, particularly in the face of the campaigns against sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS. But consider dispassionately the following arguments.

Dr. Albert Ellis, one of America's foremost authority on sex, in his work Sex And the Single Man, discussed in details some of the problems associated with prolonged abstinence from sex in individuals who have reached sexual maturity. His discussion was centered on man, but it also contains information about similar problems in women.

According to him, prolonged virginity impairs physical health. He cited the studies of Dr. W.J. Robinson a sexologist, who asserted that abstinence from sexual activity after maturity produces distinctly unfavourable physical and psychical conditions which are incurable sometimes.

Another scholar, Dr. Hugo G. Biegel, held that: "varied though the consequences of abstinence may be, the gratification of the sexual drive is a necessity for the normally developed human, and the disregard of this necessity over a long period of time is likely to break the life impulses and thus to affect not only happiness and well being but also physical and mental health.

" W.S. Taylor confirms that prolonged sexual abstinence in women leads to chlorosis, dysmenorrhea, shrinking of the breasts, and congestion of the ovaries. In both sexes, according to Taylor, it produces insomnia, metabolic and nervous disorders.

The danger of prolonged virginity is definitely more pronounced at the psychological level than at the physical level. Especially for people in whom the sexual instinct is very strong, continued chastity “induces repression and makes them vulnerable to psychasthenia, sexual obsession, and then perversion".

In Sigmund Freud's Collected Papers, Bertrand Russell's Marriage and Morals, L.A. Kirkendall's The Problem of Remaining a Virgin and other studies, it has been established beyond reasonable doubt that abstinence lasting many years has very unpleasant consequences for both men and women.

Similarly, Albert Ellis reports that different kinds and degrees of emotional tenseness and disturbances in many individuals with high sex drives have been traced to prolonged virginity.

Researchers have unearthed evidence that for many people, complete abstinence has disastrous effects on sexual performance, and could render someone temporarily or permanently impotent or frigid.

Distortions of social values are also part of the problem of prolonged sexual continence.

No less an authority then the patron saint of psychoanalysis, Freud, recognized the negative social dimension of long-standing abstinence from sex when he wrote: "Let us add that together with the restrictions on sexual activity in any nation there always goes an increase of anxiety concerning life and of fear of death, which interfere with each individual's capacity for enjoyment.

And do away with his willingness to incur risk of death in whatever cause "showing itself in diminished inclination to beget offspring, thus excluding many people or group of such a type from participation in the future."

Overemphasis on chastity tends to make parents unduly harsh, hard and inconsiderate about the erotico-emotional needs of their children.

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Comments (37)
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1 Written by ucheThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 20-04-2008 20:15 , IP: 99.233.3.79
There is nothing wrong in a woman\'s decision to remain a virgin for life. Forget about all those scholars you researched on. Virginity is recommendable and there is no psychological problem attached to it. The only problem is that sometimes after keeping yourself for your mate, you found out they can\'t satisfy you in bed and by that time, it is already too late because you guys are already married. You end up having sex 3 times in a month. Whereas if you are familiar with his low sex drive, you wouldn\'t opt for marriage with him.
2 prolonged virginity and problems
Written by pascalThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 28-04-2008 17:37 , IP: 41.219.243.70
hi sir,
could your phrase in the you kindly explain vanguard article of page 12 april 27 on the above subject matter, 1st paragragh and i quote,' ........prolonged virginity or chastity both in male and female is very damaging'

could you furnish in layman's language, the price for prolonged virginity and when you say prolonged, what age range are you looking at.
I will be glad to get a response.

Thanks
pascal
3 Much Ado About Virginity
Written by AmechiThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 30-04-2008 13:05 , IP: 193.220.62.4
Nobody knows all the information about a product except the manufacturer of the product.It was not man that created man,but God that created man,if so then God can not be a liar,i must say that science has always wanted to prove that it knows better than God who himself is the Greatest scientist.Finally virginty is still in vogue and i will advise every girl to remain one until marriage.If scientists say that i will have a problem if i remain a virgin till i marry then God is not fit to be God again,but if their findings are false then let every man be a liar and God be true.
4 Written by jeremyThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 02-05-2008 17:02 , IP: 68.183.91.59
Let's not forget the role celebrities play in this whole virginity debate. They are not helping:
http://www.derober.com/2007/11/20/britney-spears-14-yo-not-virgin/
5 Forget God
Written by AithrilThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 02-05-2008 17:03 , IP: 148.100.208.25
Forget everyone on here who talked about God. The fact is- SCIENTIFICALLY- that people are better adjusted if they have sex at the proper period in their life. End of story.
6 What's so wrong with sex?
Written by MarkThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 02-05-2008 17:14 , IP: 206.162.145.2
I honestly can't figure out why there is such a hatred towards something so pleasurable? Why wait till you're married when you enjoy pleasure now?

STDs? Wear condoms
Pregnancy? Pills, Condoms, and various other solutions
Emotional Distress? It happens, but really sex has little to do with it. And if partner A will use partner B for sex, then partner B will get emotionally distressed anyways when he/she denies Partner A's advances.
Nothing left for marriage? That argument doesn't make sense. After 10 years with the same person, sex will get boring unless you come up with creative ways to have it. Whether you're a virgin or not, that will still hold true.

The attitude many have towards sex seems to be more about controlling women and taking their freedom of choice away than anything else. Why are women chastised for their lack of virginity when men aren't?

Sex will let you feel as good as possible with your body, but like with anything else that's fun and pleasurable, there are inherent risks. But the benefits (numerous health benefits at that) are great.

So kids, go out and play, just remember to play it safe.
7 Agreeing
Written by Mandy Antone, on 02-05-2008 17:23 , IP: 99.249.186.26
Virginity is far overrated. In a male-ruling country, they only want virgin women because its instinctual. A man who has sex with a virgin is guaranteed to be the father of her offspring (assuming they have unprotected sex). A man who has sex with a woman who has had sex in the past, automatically assumes that she's easy and therefore even if he has sex with her to produce children, its not 100% guaranteed that he will be the father. That's honestly what the whole deal with virgins is... its that men dont like it when they think of their girl having ever been with another man.
8 Psycological affects of sex at early age
Written by mistylgThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 02-05-2008 17:25 , IP: 75.186.24.72
What was really missing from this article was the opposing evidence, so that the reader could see both sides of the story. Where is the information on what happens psycologically the first time you have sex, those smells and visions that are left in the mind for a life time? There is also evidence that the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that helps see consequences, isn't fully developed until the age of 25?

There are different ways to look at this and both sides were not equally, and objectively represented.
9 How do you know Gods master plan?
Written by sajThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 02-05-2008 17:25 , IP: 68.1.8.230
All that you are going on is a book written from the perspectives of men who lived thousands of years ago.

God does not create men. Men are created by a biological process that works the way god intended. Nothing more nothing less. God simply made the rules (science), and we simply live by them and live to understand them. Just because you read something in a book does not make it truth. Truth is ever changing and can only be found by people with open minds and eyes that observe the world around them and are willing to change their opinions and perspectives.

If science manages to prove that prolonged virginity has physical and emotional repercussions, then that is how the world works and that is how god intended it. That is just the natural order of things, and that natural order is God's Law. Not what was written by men in some book. All the bible is is the collection of different philosophies and papers written by a collection of various Christian sects from ancient times.

Or did history not really happen either and all of human knowledge is a lie?
10 Very Informative Article
Written by DougThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , on 02-05-2008 17:32 , IP: 64.59.135.175
Disregarding all creationist viewpoints as idiotic, and all pro-religion and pro-obedient thoughts, all we have is our choice.

One could be a sheep and do what someone older than you tells you to do. Or you could listen to people who believe all animals lived within walking distance of Noah's house tell you that virginity is a virtue. But at the end of the day, all you have and all you are are the choices that you make. Sex before marriage and virginity are big topics because many of the people in "power" such as those with religious control are trying to control your thoughts and tell you what to do! The government, however, sets no law on virginity, does not say it is a sin, and sets an age limit on consent for the reason that psychological trauma can occur when sex occurs at too young an age. There is a reason for those laws, but within that reason, choice is left open. If you, and someone you like want to have sex at 16, go for it, don't let anyone tell you what to do. Be yourself.

And there's only a few reasons you should ever have sex with someone. You like each other, and it feels good, or your trying to have a kid. If you are having sex for any other reason, you're lying to yourself.


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