I love food—the greasier the better. So any day that includes deep-fried calamari with warm marinara sauce is a good day—no, a great day—by my standards. There’s no better place to get your greasy grub on than at a state fair. But these people take deep-frying to a whole new level, a level that makes my fried calamari look like child’s play. This list of the most outlandish state fair delicacies puts the Carl’s Jr. Bacon Cheese Six Dollar Burger to shame.
1. Krispy Kreme Burger
Stop wiping your glasses, you read it right—Krispy Kreme Burger. A cheeseburger with bacon, except the “bun” is two Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Created by a minor-league baseball club, this baby costs $4.50 and it packs well over 1,000 calories. (Just one glazed donut has 10 grams of sugar.) It’s usually taken with four Lipitor.
Photo source: Drunken Bleachers
2. Kool-Aid Dill Pickles (Koolickle)
To make a Kool-Aid pickle, just dump out half the brine in the pickle jar and refill it with your favorite flavor of Kool-Aid. The pickle will turn a glowing red or neon green depending on what flavor you use. But if you hit pretty much any state fair in the South, you can save yourself the trouble of making it and just buy one from a vendor instead. An elementary school in Indianola makes and sells them in their cafeteria. They are in the process of obtaining a patent license. Lucky us.
Photo source: Deep Fried Kudzu
3. Deep-Fried Drinks
From your breakfast drink to your late-night cocktail, the state fair has you covered (in fatness and goodness).
Latte: I take my morning latte with soy milk and splenda. Carnies take theirs with pastry batter and ice cream. A deep fried latte is made with ice cream, cappuccino ice cream (duh, it’s coffee), whipped cream, caramel sauce, and is sprinkled with some instant coffee powder. The Deep-Fried Latte made its debut at the 2007 Texas state fair. Creator Mike Levy said, “We have gained about ten pounds trying this.” The best part of waking up is an artery-clogger in your cup.
Deep-Fried Coke: I’m not lying, folks—deep-fried Coke. Coke syrup, mixed with funnel cake batter, deep-fried, and drizzled with some more syrup. I almost forgot; it’s drenched with whipped cream and a cherry. This masterpiece won an award at the ’06 Texas State Fair and sold 10,000 cups in its first week. Plus, it only has a mere 830 calories. Give me a cup of that sugary, syrupy goodness. (Photo below.)
Deep-Fried Cosmopolitan: I doubt the Sex and the City chicks sucked these down. A deep-fried cosmopolitan is actually a fried pastry overflowing with cheesy cheesecake, drizzled with a fruity glaze, and topped with a hunk of lime. Obviously, it’s served up on a stick.
Photo source: Willrad
4. Donkey Tails
A donkey tail does not contain any donkey parts. It’s a large beefy sausage filled with cheese, enveloped in a flour tortilla and deep-fried. Top it with chili or nacho cheese. For those of you watching your weight, you can also top it with salsa (or, you could just avoid state fairs). The tails became popular at the 2006 Texas state fair and were created by Ruth’s Tamale House.
5. Fried Cookie Dough
This one was voted best new state fair food at the 2007 Texas state fair (by the same guy who made deep-fried coke). First they chill the cookie (chocolate chip, pecan, and coconut based cookie dough), then they batter the cookie dough, then they deep-fry the cookie dough, then people—regular people like you and me—consume the cookie dough.
Photo source: Dallas News
6. Cool Dog
A cool dog will quench your hunger for salty and sweet. It’s a hot dog that replaces the bun with sponge cake and replaces the weenie with ice cream. The condiments are replaced with chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and sprinkles. Sounds pretty cool-dog-a-licious.
Photo source: Texas Twisted
7. Fried Avocadoes and Fried Guacamole
Concessionaire Allan Weiss offered up Zesty Fried Guacamole Bites in 2007, and in 2006, he created the Fried Avocado (chunks of avocado, breaded and fried). The guac bites are a scoop of guacamole, breaded, fried, and served with ranch or salsa. Mr. Weiss decided that since the fried avocado went over so well, that people would like fried guacamole even more.
Photo source: Elevated
8. Fernie’s Fried Mac ’n Cheese
Auntie Fernie’s (mother of cousin Jack, the guy with four teeth who runs the Tilt-a-Whirl) version of this seems to be the most popular in the state fair world. She takes scoops of macaroni and cheese, tops them with garlicky breadcrumbs and then, (surprise, surprise) deep-fries them to make her famous mac ’n cheese. There’s only 610 calories per stick and these can now be found at certain restaurants.
Photo source: Burst Attention Span
9. Spaghetti and Meatballs on a Stick
This Italian treat is balled up, breaded, and fried. (I see a theme here.) They cut the spaghetti strands into small one-inch chunks, and then roll them up into a big meatball. The meatball is then dipped into red sauce and fried. This Minnesota state fair dinner is also known as Heart Attack on a Stick.
Photo source: jpg magazine
10. Butter Busts
If you get to the fair later in the day and all the fatties have torn down every last booth, there is one last option. At the Minnesota state fair, you can have a personal bust made of butter. I’m guessing that anyone who’s into deep-fried coffee and spaghetti would most likely enjoy eating a hunk of butter shaped like some chick’s head.
Photo source: jschumacher
Despite the deep-fried theme, I’m sure that state fairs around the country really do care about the obesity epidemic. (Pickles are sort of a vegetable, right?) Secretly, I would probably try all of these heart-attack snacks. Super secretly, I bet they taste really good too. If you’re not into gorging yourself on fried food, you could always travel to Indiana’s state fair and enter the Spam contest. But beware there’s stiff competition: 2005’s winner was Green Tomato Spam Fritters.
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